Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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