I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
did i walk over a car last night?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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