bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
