it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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