He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
