They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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