what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
