I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
