Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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