I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
