i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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