Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
