If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
