Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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