That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
