Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Drunk is not a location!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
