I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my shit smells like andre
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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