he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
