I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
