i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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