My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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