I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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