I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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