if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
