is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
how drunk are you?
Several
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
