she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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