I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
