So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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