He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
