Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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