i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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