Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think people are normalizing furries
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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