i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
