I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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