Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
