I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
