Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
