i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
