At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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