i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
