im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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