How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize