watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
