if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
