i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
