I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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