This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
