Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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