I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize