I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I party with great urgency now.
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