I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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