Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize