please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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