i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just pee around me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
