So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
