I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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