guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
