My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
