Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
