You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
