My first STD was from a foam party
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
